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🌅 India Rising
Emotions are the
powerhouse in relationships.
Thoughts and behaviour matter too — of course — but emotions are what messes everyone up most because we can’t just “be” with them — we have to react to them.
I know, we’re all encouraged to say how we feel — I acknowledge that as a psychologist I am one of those doing the encouraging. We get right behind clichés like “emotions are better out than in.”
But there are times when feelings just take over everything. They appoint themselves CEO of us, and our relationships, and their leadership takes us down some dodgy paths.
She was a talker, he was a doer
A client was having trouble in her year-long relationship. At 40, she had been hurt and shaken by several of partnerships that hadn’t worked out. She was a confident, successful woman in all spheres of her life — except relationships.
She thought she’d found the perfect man for her but it was starting to split open at the seams. The problem? She was an open book — a heart-on-sleeve expressive person, he was the “strong, silent” type and they were struggling to find middle ground.
She was a talker, he was a doer. The more she talked, the more he backed away. The more he backed away, the more she tried to express her feelings to him, and coax him to talk. So the rift deepened.
This is an immensely common problem — although more women cite this difficulty, I’ve worked with a number of men who described their female partners as “immensely private” or “shut down”.
The trouble is, when you can’t read your partner, when you have no clue what’s going on in their heads, it can spark your insecurity. What’s happening? What are we? Is this working for them? Are they into me ?
“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” — Peter Drucker
Let’s turn back the clock
The ways in which we feel/express emotions are embedded in a combination of our temperaments, histories and experiences. For some, there are neurodivergent factors
JaiHind.. JaiBharat..
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